(I wrote the following on 9/16/15 and never finished it. I figured I might as well hit publish or I may never get to it!)
The first few days after H was born are somewhat of blur. I was deliriously happy that our boy was finally here. I was recovering from a c-section and taking pain pills every 4 hours. There were people in our hospital room ALL OF THE TIME and we basically got no sleep. And, the breastfeeding debacle. It has been such a thing that I will write a separate post about it later. Anyway, those first 4 days I ate [hospital cafeteria] french toast for every meal, slept in 2 hours increments, cried every time I breastfed, cried anytime a nurse, doctor or any other human asked me how I was doing, held and stared at my baby boy, cried that getting out of bed took 5 minutes and was hella painful, cried because I was so happy, cried because I felt helpless when my baby needed me and I couldn’t get up to get to him fast enough. You get the idea. I was an emotional MESS those first 4 days. Oh, let’s face it, I was an emotional mess the first 2 weeks. I have never cried so much in my life as I did those first 2 weeks. I’m still riding that rollercoaster a bit, but it’s getting better. I had no idea that every feeling I had would be amplified to the 10th power following having a baby. I had heard stories, but nothing could have prepared me for the intense ups and downs I experienced those first 2 weeks.
So, it has been nearly a month since I wrote that. I am feeling MUCH MUCH better emotionally. I still have my ups and downs and I still cry during overwhelming moments (happy ones, sad ones, stressful ones, etc), but I am on the uphill swing as far as postpartum emotions go. I would say the hardest thing at this point is fitting everything I need to do into the day whilst caring for a newborn. By things I need to do, I mean pumping, eating, peeing, showering (yeah right), washing the bottomless bowl of pump parts and bottles. As soon as H falls asleep, it’s a race to get all of those things done. Sometimes, I do. Most of the time, I don’t. That’s when I have to get creative, like putting H in the Ergo carrier and pumping one boob at a time. Or, holding him with one arm/hand while peeing. You get the idea. I mean, I literally cannot put this baby boy down (while he’s awake) without him crying and I will not let him cry it out. I just can’t and won’t do it. I could hold him all day everyday and pretty much do. I know some people would say that’s dumb or teaching him that he has to be held, but I don’t care! At night, he’ll go down fine, even awake, and sleeps for one 4-6 hour stretch and two 2-3 hour stretches in his pack and play. So, if he needs to be held all day, who cares, right!? 🙂
On the rare occasion that he is awake and content (in his rock and play/bassinet), I end up talking to him and playing with him instead of doing the things (which, really, who wouldn’t!).
On a different note, I think the poor babe may have acid reflux or some sort of dairy allergy. I’m not really sure, but when i Google the symptoms, those two things pop up. He is SO fussy right after he eats most of the time and it lasts for about 30-45 min. He also spits up a lot and gags after he eats :(. We are currently at the farm for harvest (more on that in a different blog post), so I am contemplating finding a doc here or waiting until we get back to see his doc. I have started eliminating dairy from my diet in case that’s the problem. It may be all in my head, but I think it might me helping a little bit.
I have about 10 other blog posts started (or started in my head!), but I just can’t finish them enough to post or even start them. I am going to list them here (more for myself so I don’t forget!)
- Breastfeeding & pumping/isolation
- visitors after baby
- hospital stuff/birth plan and how I trashed it
- game changers (baby stuff, etc)
- baby and impacts on our marriage
- staying at home
- having another baby??? (as if it’s that easy!!!!!) and other idiotic things people say to an RPL mommy
- everyone has an opinion!
- The simple things I took for grated pre-baby (going ANYWHERE and it not taking 3 hours to prepare to leave the house, EATiNG, peeing, showering, haha!)
Here are some pics of our sweet little boy…
Bye Bye for now!